I AM A WORK OF ART
One sleepless night, I began to sift through my memory bank of friendships that have come and gone and remembered how things used to be once upon a time when they were actually ‘good’. “What happened?”, I began to think to myself. As I thought of all the memorable moments and amazing people I once had a close relationship with, it came to me that, this is all temporary. While in college (and after), I invested so much of my emotions on holding on to people and focused more on keeping them in my life than I did on just enjoying our bonds from moment to moment, savoring every last laugh or tear like my favorite dish.
In the day and age of lethal insults so sharp they could break skin- otherwise known as ‘shade’, everyone is in the same boat,[…] -Trudi-Ann Thompson
As we grow in our own ways and drift apart from one another, there’s a grey area in our emotional perception that occurs all trying to make sense of who we were and who we are now, because of that particular relationship. While in this place we tend to condemn ourselves for even becoming friends or for having met these people we are now trying so hard to detach ourselves from. Our once sacred and favored relationships become dark holes in our souls that we wish we could rid ourselves of.
In the day and age of lethal insults so sharp they could break skin- otherwise be known as ‘shade’, everyone is in the same boat, sifting through our emotions and trying to break free from the confines of old emotional and vibrational agreements, or baggage that makes us question our own character in selecting the right people to have near us, while not fully aware of who we really are- someone seeking to first understand oneself while simultaneously defining oneself.
The ultimate goal is to feel and then to heal. -Trudi-Ann
Like a sculpture or magnificent painting, we all arrive as a block of wood, mound of clay, or blank canvas with a guaranteed work of art beneath if we seek to know who we are and continue to work toward finding the HE[ART] of who we are. With each choice that we make, relationships or conversations we engage in, no matter how short, we are all artists creating who we are meant to be. We leave imprints on the hearts and minds of everyone we come across (some imprints more deeper than others) and we sometimes leave scars. Each time we go over our hearts (in our minds), like braille we feel those risen scars that bring us right back to those moments and people we once knew oh so well. Bitter, in the beginning when those scars are healing, but as you allow yourself to feel, you also begin to heal bit-by-bit and those scars become beautiful. Without those scars, you would not be who you are currently and ultimately the greater version of yourself that awaits tomorrow.
I believe the greatest thing we can do for ourselves is to learn to forgive ourselves. But, how? By treating oneself as one would treat a delicate flower. Be gentle! Often times we ridicule ourselves so much that it makes it unnecessary for anyone outside of us to pierce us, as we already hold the knife that punctures our spirit to a point of life support-codependency. Codependency on other people, drugs, alcohol, prescription medication or whatever we can latch onto to numb or distract us from the pain, while we ghost through life.
As we search for understanding, understanding stands beside and within us, waiting for acknowledgement, waiting to be nurtured as we carve, mold, or paint ourselves into a priceless piece of art. The ultimate goal is to feel and then to heal. No matter how painful, it is only temporary and sometimes a long temporary, but it is always temporary.